Gurbet Hikayeleri “ÇIBAN”
Refik Halit Karay
Siz Halep çıbanından korkuyorsunuz, Halep, Musul, Bağdat çıbanlarından… Halbuki onlar benim gördüğüm, çıkardığım Hadramut çıbanının yanında bir sivilce, bir ben, bir süs, belki de seksapeli arttıran bir damga, çoğu defa bir şirinlik muskasıdır. Hiçten veya hoş bir şeydir. Mesela bakınız şu dans eden Sitti Afife’nin sol yanağındaki minimini, sıcacık, sedef parıltılı çapkın kırışıklığa… Derinin öpmeye, okşamaya, hatta koklamaya davet eden bir cilvesi değil mi? Kadının ceylan gözlerine dalıp kaldığımız gibi pürüzsüz yanağının parşömeni üstündeki bu cazibeli aşk yolu krokisine bakıp aklımızdan iç bahçelerdeki kuytu, karanfilli manzaraları düşünmüyor muyuz?Halep çıbanının böylesi, öyle bir güzelin yüzünde seher vakti göğündeki çoban yıldızı kadar yıkanmış, taze, kokulu bir ışıkla parlamıyor, bütün vücuda bir körpelik, cinsi cazibe ve cinsi rayiha (koku) serpmiyor mu?Her ne ise, bir asker bu kadar şiir yapabilir. Size daha iyisi, hikayemi anlatayım.Bize dost iki Arap emiri arasındaki gazvelere bir nihayet vermek, dostluk kurmak için Yemen vali ve kumandanı İzzet Paşa, beni uzak çöle, ta Hadramut hududuna göndermişti. At ve hecin (iki hörgüçlü deve) sırtında on iki gün yol aldıktan sonra bir masal memleketine vardım.Koca kumsalların ortasına, sanki yer azmış, arsa pahalıymış gibi onar katlı alçı evler kurmuşlar. Bir nevi bembeyaz, fağfur apartmanlar… Balkonları, terasları, cumbaları ile sipsivri, göz kamaştırıcı, baş döndürücü eğreti sinema kuleleri! Çanak, çömlek cinsinden çatlamaya, kırılıp parçalanmaya istidatlı o kadar gevrek şeyler ki, insana bir top patlasa, hepsi birden “hak ile yeksan” (yerle bir olmak ) olacaklar tesirini yapıyor. Merdivenlerden çıkarken ayaklarımı pek basmaktan korkuyorum.Yağmur, bu memlekette üç dört senede bir yağıyormuş… Yağmıyormuş, bir sel halinde iniyor, sarnıçları, havuzları, barajları dolduruyor, birden kesiliyormuş. Ta yeni yağmura kadar kullanılan, içilen ve hurmalıklara akıtılan bu sudur. Çürümüş, sineklenmiş, kurtlanmış, kokmuş bir su…Bir su leşi!Emirin veziri, abanozdan kemikleri ve köseleden derisi olan bir eski Habeş kölesi, süte düşmüş hamam böceği gibi tiksindirici, iri, kara gözlerini, mavimtırak akları içinde çırpındırarak tembih etti:“Ya Hazreti Kaid, cibinliğinizi uyurken açık bırakmayınız, bir sinek vardır, sokarsa habis bir çıban yapar, tedavisi zordur.”Arap, “habis” kelimesini her ne için kullanırsa ondan çekinmelidir.Ben de çekindim, cibinliğimi her zaman sıkı sıkı örttüm. Kenarlarını şiltenin arasına elimle soktum. Nasıl örtüneyim, sokmayayım, korkmayayım? Çarşıda, pazarda yüzleri yarıdan yarıya kemirilip, oyulmuş iğrenç adamlara rast gelip “frengiden mi?” diye sorduğum vakit:“Hayır,” diyorlardı, “habis çıbandan… “Bu habis çıban, nerede çıkarsa, etrafını bir selin açtığı oyuk gibi deşiyor, göz veya burun, ne bulursa alıp götürüyordu.Bir gün şakağımda tatlı bir kaşıntı duydum; aynama baktım; hafif bir kızarıklık, ortasında başsız bir sivilce…Hemen vezire koştum. Başını salladı, kaşlarını oynattı, sonra ellerini birbirine vurdu. Gelen kölesine bir emir verdi:İçeriye bir kocakarı soktular. Değil hakikatte, kabus geçirirken bile karşılaşmanızı tavsiye edemeyeceğim bir cadı… Altında küpü, elinde süpürgesi eksikti. Kaşınan yeri bir de o gözden geçirdi ve hükmünü verdi:“Ta kendisi!”İşte size, şimdi dünyanın en acayip bir çıbanından ve tedavisinden bahsedeceğim: İlk iş hurmalıklar altına rahat bir döşek kurmak oldu. Beni içine yatırdılar ve hizmetime üç Sudanlı köle ayırdılar.Emir demişti ki:“San’a’ ya dönmeniz için iki hafta yolda geçirmeniz lazım gelir, tedavi vaktini geçirmiş olursunuz. Hem orada bunu bilen yoktur. Biz, Allah’ın izniyle sizi iyi etmeye çalışacağız.”Cadı, her seher vakti başımın ucuna dikiliyor, çıbanı muayene ediyor, “Daha olmamış!” diyerek dönüp gidiyordu.Nihayet bir sabah kıvamını bulduğunu söyledi ve bir iğne ile sivilcenin başını yerinden, büsbütün koparmadan usulcacık oynattı. Sonra koynundan bir yumak çıkardı, ucunu o sivilcenin, yaraya henüz takılı olan başına ilmikledi.Yumağı sağdı sağdı, öteki ucunu da hurma ağacının alt dallarından birine bağladı.Hissettim ki yumağın daldaki ucuyla çıbanımın içinde göremediğim bir katı yumak birbirine eklenmiştir.Tembih şu idi:On gün kımıldamadan yatmak ve bu ipliği koparmamak!Hayatım bu ipliğe bağlıydı.Şayet o koparsa çıbanın özü içinde kalır ve benim de yüzüm, çarşıda rastladığım Bedevilerinki gibi gelir, deşilir, yara çene kemiklerimi meydana çıkarır, bir gözümü de alıp götürürdü.Onun içindir ki kımıldanmadan, kımıldanırım diye uyumadan yatıyordum. Gözlerim çıbanımla hurma dalı arasında hafif hafif sallanan incecik tirede, kalıp gibi yatıyordum.Ve o tire her gün birazcık daha gevşiyor, yaramdan eklenen parça ile uzuyor. Bir örümcek ağı teli gibi iki baştan tutturulmuş, boşlukta gidip gidip geliyordu.Ben başımı dimdik tutarak gündüzleri çöl güneşinin kalayladığı kamaştırıcı göğe gözlerimi kapıyor, geceleri açarak kalaylı göğün işlenmiş manzarasında dinlendiriyordum.Şüphesiz ki çıbanımın kozası her gün biraz daha sağılıyor, boşanıyor, ufalıyor, tükeniyordu.“Ya koparsa?” diyordum.Köleler, korku içinde, bir ağızdan haykırışıyorlardı.“Allah saklasın!”Sıkıcı bir rüzgar, bir yağmur, maazallah bir kum fırtınası yahut, kölelerin dikkatsizliğine uğrayarak içimin geçtiği bir sırada sersemlikle kımıldanıvermem çöl sıcağında pişerek yavaş yavaş ibrişimlenen bu cerahat tiresini koparabilirdi. O zaman?Aklıma hemen tabancam geliyordu, tam çıbanımın olduğu yere namlusunun dayanacağı toplu, eski sistem, dom dom kurşunlu tabancam.Onuncu günü Emir geldi, vezir geldi, eşraf ve ahali geldi, hurma ormanı panayır yeri gibi insanla doldu.Cadı da gelmişti.İğnesini çıbanıma soktu, hiç ağrı duymuyordum, içinden haşlanmış balık gözüne benzettiğim ufacık, toparlacık, bembeyaz bir sert boncuk çıkardı, etrafa gösterdi.“Özü alındı!” diye başımdakiler sevindiler.Sevinç ahaliye de geçti. Darbukalar çalındı, kılıç kalkan oynandı. Allah’a, padişaha, emire dualar edildi.Ben, ucu daldan çözülüp elime verilen tireye bakıyordum: Kadının yumağındaki iplikle çıbanımdan boşanan arasında hiç fark yoktu. Avcumda incecik, sağlam, yarı şeffaf, sarıya bakan bir balık oltası tutuyordum.Binbaşı şakağında eski bir yanığa benzeyen küçük kırışıklığı gösterdikten sonra, hasret sezilen bir sesle:“İmparatorluk zabiti neler çeker, fakat neler görürdü!” dedi, elini kadehine götürdü.Lübnan, 1 930 – Refik Halit Karay
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